When Your True Self Goes Into Hiding
Teen Moms Anonymous / Podcast May 18, 2025
Trauma changes us in profound ways, forcing our true selves into hiding while protective mechanisms take over. In this powerful second installment of our "Healing the Shame that Binds You" series, Dr. Chris explores the automatic defense mechanisms--Dissociation and a False Self--that emerge when we face severe threats, particularly sexual abuse and physical violence.
Drawing from John Bradshaw's groundbreaking work, this episode delves into two critical defense mechanisms: disassociation and the development of a false self. When trauma becomes unbearable, disassociation allows victims to mentally "leave" during the experience—a lifesaving but costly survival strategy. Meanwhile, toxic shame forces us to hide our authentic selves behind carefully constructed masks, creating false personas to protect our vulnerable inner child.
Through beautiful recitations of Paul Laurence Dunbar's poems "We Wear the Mask" and "Sympathy," Dr. Chris illuminates the profound pain of hiding one's true nature and the universal longing for authenticity. She shares personal experiences of witnessing violence as a child and how disassociation protected her psyche from unbearable trauma, offering listeners a window into how these protective mechanisms function.
Most importantly, this episode charts a path toward healing. By bringing shame out of hiding in safe, non-judgmental environments, we begin to dismantle its power. Whether through therapy, support groups, or recovery programs, finding communities where we can authentically share our experiences is essential for reclaiming our true selves.
For teen mothers and those who became mothers in their teens, especially survivors of violence and abuse, understanding these defense mechanisms offers a crucial step toward emotional wellness.
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