The Business of Co-Parenting: Schedule a Weekly Phone Call

Dr. Chris Stroble / Published July 29, 2025

You were once inseparable. It started in middle school-- he liked you, and you liked him back. In high school, you were the "it couple." He was the star football player, and you were a popular cheerleader and one of the prettiest girls in school. Your relationship was fun. You loved being together. Maybe you felt you were destined to marry each other.

Then, unexpectedly, you became pregnant, and things changed. After you had the baby, you didn't spend as much time together anymore. Eventually, you and the baby were no longer a priority. He became more focused on going to college to play football.

Now, you’ve grown apart and may barely speak to each other. You may be doing everything yourself---providing food, shelter, and transportation; getting the kids ready for school; and taking them to school and sporting events. You may be the only parent paying for doctor copays, athletic fees, and school clothes and shoes. You may be the only parent planning birthday parties.

Scheduling the Call

The parenting call is usually held once a week at a routine and mutually convenient time. The parent caring for the children at the time of the call should place the call. This ensures that the children are in bed or at least out of earshot of the conversation. This protects the children from overhearing any parental conflict. Remember, this call is a scheduled meeting and should be treated with the same respect as any business meeting.

The Agenda

Just like a business meeting, this scheduled meeting should have a planned agenda. The key to a successful parenting agenda is preparation. Just as you would think about and perhaps write down your thoughts before a business meeting, you need to do the same before a parenting phone call. (I recommend keeping a notebook dedicated to these calls).

It isn't fair to say to the other parent, "I haven't really thought about that," when the agenda items are well-defined for both of you. Would you tell your business partner that you hadn't considered the issues beforehand? That would convey disinterest, disrespect, and even arrogance.

What should be discussed during this weekly phone call. The following is a sample agenda that may need to be modified depending on the age and developmental level of the children.

The Good Stuff: Start with the good stuff. Imagine getting parenting phone calls that begin with a positive tone and good news. How would you feel, compared to receiving calls that start with another “problem” to discuss or with criticism. Try starting with the good stuff.

Medical issues: Discuss current illnesses, upcoming and recent doctor appointments, dental appointments, medication requirements, and information about any chronic conditions.

School related issues: Academic performance, behavior in school, homework, conference schedule, teacher comments, and other school events (concerts, meetings, plays, performances, athletics) can be discussed.

Activities: Children these days are often involved in many different activities, and the logistics alone can be mind-boggling. Parent coordination is essential, but for parents who don’t live together, scheduling is even harder. Every week it is important to check out the week’s schedule with each other. Who is driving whom, where, and when?

Caretaking: This item is very important for younger children, especially those age five and under. For infants and toddlers, issues such as diet, nap times, and toilet training need to be addressed. For older preschoolers, other behavioral issues such as peer relationships and bedtimes are important. As children get older, the issues may include decisions around TV, telephone, and computer usage or even driving privileges and curfews. 

Behavior: This area includes discipline issues in the home, outside of the home, and in school. You can’t expect complete uniformity in both homes, but you do need to keep each other informed of your children’s behavior. As parents, you can decide together about the general moral and ethical education you want to instill in your children.

Scheduling: Birthday, holiday, and vacation scheduling is one the biggest areas for high-conflict parents to discuss. One suggestion is to rarely vary the schedule. If changes must be made, give each other as much notice as possible. Changes in the preplanned schedule should be treated as a request, not a given.

Discipline: Parents may handle behavior differently in their own homes. Differences in culture, background, and view may create two very different environments. The children may need to get used to these differences and adjust accordingly. Nevertheless, you do need to keep each other informed of how you are handing the children’s behavior.

New business: This area is reserved for those items that may come up week to week, or on a periodic basis. 

Now. You may be saying, “This is all well and good, but how do we avoid falling into the old traps of conflictual communication that we have grown to know and love so well?

You must remember this call is an opportunity to get some things accomplished, not to vent your emotions. In other words, you need to stay the course and avoid discussing old relationship concerns. No low blows, no sarcasm, (no being petty) and above all no deviation from the agreed-upon agenda.

Finally, remember to clarify or establish the time and date of the next call so that there are no misperceptions about the schedule. This is especially important in the beginning when these calls are new and awkward and more subject to high-conflict parental tactics.

___________

You were once inseparable. It started in middle school-- he liked you, and you liked him back. In high school, you were the "it couple." He was the star football player and you were a popular cheerleader and one of the prettiest girls in school. Your relationship was fun. You loved being together. Maybe you felt you were destined to marry each other.

Now, you’ve grown apart and may barely speak to each other. You may be doing everything yourself---providing food, shelter, and transportation; getting the kids ready for school; and taking them to school and sporting events. You may be the only parent paying for doctor copays, athletic fees, and school clothes and shoes. You may be the only parent planning birthday parties.

It can be overwhelming trying to do it all. You may be frustrated by the challenges of single parenting. It's not fair! This is why it's important to develop a healthy co-parenting partnership—so you can work together! You might be thinking, "I agree! But how do I get the other parent to co-parent if they're not interested?" That’s a real concern. To start, I suggest asking the other parent to read this blog. It might help. You could even text him the link.

Then, pray that God will speak to him, convict him, and cause him to change his mind and begin fulfilling his duties and responsibilities to his children. If he agrees to the weekly phone call, great! That’s the goal of my writing this blog and for more information on this weekly phone call, the book I referenced today, The Co-Parenting Survival Guide: Letting Go of Conflict After a Difficult Divorce (or Separation if Never Married) is a great resource. 

If he refuses to participate in good faith in the weekly phone call to co-parent your children, let it go. Move on. You've done your part. Focus on learning more about parenting so you can provide your children with the best version of yourself.

Always In your corner, 

Dr. Chris