Dating & Sex - One of the Most Important Decisions

Dr. Chris Stroble / Published July 19, 2025

One of the most important decisions you’ll ever make as a teen is about dating and sex. In fact, in his book A Guide for Teens: The 6 Most Important Decisions You’ll Ever Make, bestselling author, Sean Covey writes of all the decisions, this is probably the most important one. Why? Because these choices have big consequences which not only affect you, they affect many others. 

Covey acknowledges that he debated whether he should write this chapter on dating and sex because it’s so touchy, especially the sex part. On the one hand, he didn’t want to be careless or casual about something so delicate. On the other hand, he needed to be brutally honest and share the facts. He struck the right chord.

I relate to his reservations. I pondered for a while about how to write this blog post because it's unfair to talk to teen mothers about waiting when many of you didn't have that option. You were robbed of your innocence. Even more alarming, some of you had your virginity stolen. This requires acknowledgment.

This is supported by a report in the award-winning book, Helping Teen Moms Graduate. Data reveals that --

  • Many young women (as many as two-thirds) who become pregnant as teens were sexually and/or physically abused at some point in their lives--either as children, in their current relationships, or both.
  • A substantial number (no fewer than one-fourth and as many as 50 to 80 percent) of teen mothers are in violent, abusive, or coercive relationships just before, during, and after their teen pregnancy. 
  • Younger teen girls are even more likely to be victims of violence and abuse than older teens. For example, one study found that younger teen girls are especially vulnerable to coercive and non-consensual sex. Involuntary sexual activity was found in 74 percent of sexually active girls younger than 14 and 60 percent of those younger than fifteen.
  • The report notes that it is important to remember that the actual prevalence of violence and abuse in the lives of teen girls may be higher than this data indicates. This is because victims, partners, and families often do not disclose violence or abuse in their lives, so it is frequently underreported. 

So, talking to you about dating, sex, and waiting feels unfair.

However, like Covey, I chose to write this blog because dating and sex is a big deal, and you want to make choices that increase your chances of marrying a man who will be a committed husband and father.

Intelligent Dating--Who Should I Go Out With?

When you’re choosing someone to date, what’s the first thing you notice about them? Their personality? Maybe--but more often the first thing you go for is their looks. You can’t help it. Being attracted to someone is where it all starts, but there is so much more to a person than looks. Covey refers to his friend and colleague, Durelle Price, who teaches a seminar on intelligent dating in which she compares dating to choosing a car. I love this comparison. Here’s the scenario:

Have you ever gone with someone to buy a car, maybe a parent or friend? Did they walk onto the car lot and wait for the salesperson to choose a car for them? Absolutely not! Usually, they did a ton of research beforehand and developed a mental wish list of things they’ve gotta have and things they can do without. They might decide that the make, color, and reliability of the car are must-haves and that they can do without the sunroof, fuel economy, and warranty.

Intelligent daters put the same brain matter into choosing a date. They don’t just let it happen to them. They have a wish list of character traits and interests they’ve gotta have. They also have a list of things they can do without.

Gotta Have

So, what is it that you must have? Do you have to have good looks? Do you have to have someone who’s nice? Fun? Smart? Focused? Nice to children? Liked by your parents? Do you want someone who brings out the best in you? 

Can Do Without

What can you do without? What if your date isn’t that popular? Or doesn’t dance well, or doesn’t have a car? Can you do without those? What if they aren’t that fashionable or don’t get the best grades? Are those deal breakers for you?

The point here is to begin with the end in mind. A key step to becoming an intelligent dater is to get clear on what’s really important to you and where you won’t compromise. Don’t just date anyone. Be selective.

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Again, I pondered for a while about how to write this blog post because it's unfair to talk to teen mothers about waiting when many of you didn't have that option. You were robbed of your innocence. Even more alarming, some of you had your virginity stolen. This requires acknowledgment.

But, dating and sex is a big deal that deserve a lot of thought. Why? Because these choices have big consequences which not only affect you, they affect many others, including your children.

Decide now what you gotta have, what you can live without, and don't compromise. Spend a few minutes writing your Dating Wish List. What are your Gotta Haves and Can Do Without?

Always In your corner, 

Dr. Chris