4 Ways to Form a Secure Attachment
Dr. Chris Stroble / Published May 6, 2025
One of the best investments you can make in your child's future is spending time with them. Why? That's the way children spell love--T.I.M.E. Being with them and fully present makes them feel seen and heard. It makes them feel loved and safe with you. This feeling of love, safety and security builds an emotional bond/connection, known as a secure attachment, and the attachment style a child forms in their first relationship (most often with our mother) sets the stage for their future relationships.
If a child has a secure attachment in their first relationship with you, they are off to a good start for having healthy relationships in the future. The Cleveland Clinic offers simple, inexpensive ways you can form a secure attachment with your child.
Make Yourself Available
Make yourself available to your child and their needs. Give them your full attention. Put the phone down. Play with them. Take them to the park. Push them on the swings. Walk beside them as they swing on the monkey bars.
Make them laugh. Walk beside them as they ride their bikes with training wheels. Be present. This shows them that they matter to you, that they are important to you, and you will make time for them. This is what a child needs from a mother.
Validate Their Feelings
Teach them that it's okay to have feelings and validate their feelings. If they're feelings are hurt, let them know that it's okay to feel that emotion. Empathize with them. Tell them, "It's understandable that your feelings were hurt. I would feel the same way in this situation".
Do not shame them for their feelings. Make them feel you are a safe space for them to express their real, true feelings. Those uncomfortable emotions that are painful inside.
Let them cry if they need to and comfort them. Get down on one knee, on their level, and hug them. Teaching them how to manage their emotions as a child is training ground for helping them know how to regulate their emotions in future relationships.
Get involved in your child’s interests
If your child likes sports, get involved with them. Go to the park. Throw the football together. Sign them up for sports at the YMCA and go to their games-basketball, flag football, soccer, baseball. If they like the water, take them to the water park. Get in the water with them. Play with them. Splash the water. If they like Legos or Play Dou, get down on the floor and play with them. If they like to read, take them to the many reading activities at your local library. Make yourself available to them. Be present and involved in what they are interested in.
Enjoy just being together
Finally, you can build a secure emotional bond with your child just by being together. Go for a stroll together. Hold hands and swing together as you walk. Go to the park. Push them in the stroller (do not be on the phone). Play games like UNO, Connect 4, hopscotch, jump rope. Have ice cream or snow cones together. Read together. Color together. Sing together. Just enjoy being with them. Let them know that they are your priority and that you will make time for them.
These are 4 inexpensive ways to build a strong emotional bond/attachment with your child. Make yourself available to them, validate their feelings, get involved in what they are interested in, and just enjoy being together.
Children spell love this way - T.I.M.E. One of the best investments you can make in your child's future is to spend time with them. Make them a priority. Let them know they are important to you and that you will make time for them.
This will build an emotional bond, a secure attachment, and the attachment style a child forms in their first relationship (most often with our mother) sets the stage for their future relationships. Set them up for success. Help them form a secure emotional bond/connection with you.
In what ways are you building an emotional bond/connection - a secure attachment - with your child?